The Dangers of Overscheduled Kids

I’m going to weigh in on something that I’ve been struggling with as a parent of a preschooler. Overscheduled kids. I feel surrounded by overscheduled kids. This is one of the many areas in parenting ideals I feel like I’m swimming against the tide. I can’t even tell you how often I’m asked if and when I am enrolling Lily in preschool. I’m not. I can’t even tell you how often I’m told by other moms, “No, we can’t have a play date, our week is totally booked.” Bummer. I can’t even tell you how often I’m told by strangers, “Your kids must keep you so busy!” Not really.

It’s probably because I’m surrounded by middle class, well educated folks most of the time. These parents simply want their children to get ahead and they have the money to put them in numerous activities that promise to do just that. But I have a problem with this mentality. I don’t have a problem with scheduling activities for kids, I have a problem with overscheduled kids. Kids who are “never home” and kids who hardly ever have one-on-one time with their parents and kids who feel the pressure to learn so much more than should be expected of them at such a young age. I’m going to outline for you exactly why this is a problem and some dangers I have observed with raising overscheduled kids.

1. They Lack Creativity

Creativity blossoms from boredom. Almost every highly creative person I know had a childhood full of free time to think and free play. Free play is beyond important, especially for children under the age of 5, and it boggles my mind how few children have this in their day. Most of them go to daycare all day with a schedule full of activities, then home where they eat dinner, sit in front of the TV, take a bath, and go to bed. Or, add in some gymnastics and T-ball classes. Sound familiar?

You’re not doing your child any favors by always supplying them with something to do. You can make suggestions and set up fun games and activities every once and while. That is wonderful! But most kids now a days have no idea what to do if their parent just tells them to “go play.” Older kids have very limited hobbies outside of expensive, scheduled, and highly stressful organized sports. This is because their creativity was stifled by an endless amount of entertainment from their TV. Now a days it’s not just the screens, but also the parents who give children endless things to do so they never have to entertain themselves.

Read 5 reasons your kids should stop watching TV

2. Their Relationship With Their Parents is Hindered

There’s not a lot of time for one-on-ones with your parent while you’re so busy. There’s not a lot of time to fight, let alone make up. Interactions with overscheduled kids are usually initiated by the parent because kids don’t always  speak up about important things on their mind until they have the space to do so. Not only that, but think of how many meaningful conversations start in the car on the way to somewhere and get cut short because your child has to get out and go to basketball practice on time.

3. Family Dinners Are Demolished

Stephen and I once had a friend who we hadn’t seen in months come into town. He planned to visit us, but when he heard is Mom was cooking a home-cooked meal for dinner (spaghetti), he bailed on us. He said it had been ages since he could remember sitting down for home-cooked meal with his family and he just couldn’t pass up the chance. It made me realize how fortunate I was to sit down with my family every single night for dinner and eat a meal my mom prepared from scratch for her kids.

Call me old fashioned, but I think spending time as a family at the end of every day is extremely important. Family dinners is one way to accomplish this, but if you have another that works with a hectic activity schedule, the more power to you. But more often I’ve seen families ditch spending time with each other in favor of their kids spending time kicking a ball. Even though you don’t pick the practice times, you do pick the activities. You are choosing to give up your family time by letting your kids be in tons of stuff. Your kids desperately need family time to feel a sense of belonging and support from their parents and siblings–that doesn’t develop the same way on the sidelines.

Watch this touching video from IKEA that outlines exactly that.

4. Overscheduled Kids Are Expensive

This past summer I caved to the pressure and scheduled Lily for a few activities. They were fine, but they weren’t worth the money. It cost $27 for a sports sampler of eight 30 min classes. If I did that four times a year (one activity a season) that would cost me $120. After seeing how little value activities at such a young age provide, I decided to schedule Lily only for activities in the dead of winter when we really struggle with the stir crazies at home. This experience got me thinking about the moms who constantly have each of their children signed up for two, four, or even six community ed classes and after school sports and piano lessons. They must spend hundreds!

And I’m not even going to scratch the surface of the expense when your child gets to be a teenager in competitive sports. Just to keep up, you have to sign your kid up for extra practices, buy them top of the line equipment, and of course they have to play in travel. If they don’t, they won’t stand a chance at being one of the “best” in their sport. It’s not just a matter of time commitment at this point. It’s a monetary commitment that is staggering when you think about what your kid might actually gain from all that versus what they’re giving up. I don’t know what my husband and I will do when our children are that age. Perhaps we will just let them be mediocre, or perhaps we will let them each pick one sport and try to draw limits. It’s a hard thing to swallow.

Not to mention all the money your mini van wastes on gas lugging your kids around.

5. They Are Overwhelmed

An overscheduled kid no doubt feels overwhelmed at times. This can manifest in so many ways. Your preschooler having meltdowns and needing naps again, your preteen feeling inadequate because she’s in so many things she can’t master anything, or your teenager constantly coming down with mono and bronchitis and other serious illnesses. The time commitment in a life that is overscheduled allows little room for homework, household chores, and just relaxing with your family or friends. Kids who are overscheduled learn to manage their time by prioritizing activities over necessities (like keeping a clean room or cooking a healthy meal). This does not set them up with great habits for a healthy life.

In conclusion, I write this article because I want to voice my opposition to the pressures of society to overschedule my kids. I know maybe you think we spend too much time at home, but I think you spend too much time running around with your head chopped off. I want to see less kids who are stressed out and strung along from activity to the next and more children playing on the local playground. I want to see less parents who feel inadequate like I did if their child isn’t in everything. Your child doesn’t need to be in anything and you don’t need to try so hard to help them find their talents and interests. I want to see more balance in our kids’ lives so they end up being capable in more than just the one or two activities they spent their entire childhood on. I want to see more families who spend down time together, not at a planned event or in the car.

Please share if you agree or if this post is relatable to you! Do you struggle to find the balance between enough activities in your kids’ lives and overscheduled stress?