How to Handle a Tantrum in Public
The other day my kids and I were shopping in KOHL’s for a wedding present when Lily threw a tantrum. We were there around 12:30, so if you remember my child’s schedule, it was nearing her nap time and she was getting tired. We were in the dishes aisle and she just couldn’t hear “Please don’t touch that” another time. She blew up out of no where, like many two year olds do, and numerous people around me started to stare. Usually I’m able to prevent the tantrum before it starts, but sometimes they just happen. Here’s what I did to handle a tantrum in public. Step 1: Ignore Other People
The hardest part of your kid being upset in public is the embarrassment it causes you and your child. Depending on your personality, this can be so hard that you just never take your kids to public places (my husband). It’s even worse when those strangers who stare make rude comments like, “My kid never did that.” The first thing to stay focused on your kid and calm in handling the tantrum is to block others out of your mind. Do not worry about the strangers you will never see again being judgmental and condescending. Allowing their opinions to matter is like giving them permission to judge you unfairly again.
Step 2: Kneel Down to Your Kid’s Level
I used to think standing above your toddler would establish authority as you towered over them telling them what to do. I remember my mom doing this to me all the time. That’s why I used to think she was “so tall” when she is really 5’2″. But a much faster and more effective way to communicate to your toddler when you’re angry with them is actually to squat down to their level. This allows face to face communication and your toddler can watch your facial expressions and better understand your words.
Step 3: Use a Calm Voice
At this point if you need a couple seconds to calm yourself, count in your head to three or ten or whatever it takes until you have control of your emotions. You do not want to yell at your child because it will only embarrass them further, prolong the tantrum, and make your kid feel more frustrated. Use a calm voice and start with a phrase that validates their emotions and makes them feel understood. It sounds like “I know you are feeling frustrated because you cannot touch any of the dishes in this aisle.”
Step 4: Remove the Child From the Situation
The next thing to do is offer an alternative change in scenery. If your child responds to the validation made above (they start to calm down when you explain you understand how they’re feeling), then suggest going to an aisle they can touch stuff for a little while, like the towels. If your child does not respond and is in total freak out mode, just let them know you are going to take them for a break and bring them to the bathrooms or outside or somewhere different and preferably more private. As you walk with them to that destination, keep your calm, ignore others staring, and speak soothingly to your child.
*If you have a hard time ignoring others opinions as your child throws a public tantrum, think of the following. If you saw someone carrying their crying toddler in the store with a pissed look on their face and ignoring their kid’s scream and wails, you would assume that child is throwing a tantrum and misbehaving. If you saw someone carrying their crying toddler in the store with a calm face, speaking soothing words to their kid and rubbing their back, you would assume the child was hurt or unhappy and their parent was heading off to take care of them.
Step 5: Talk It Out
If your child still is not calm after validation, changing the scenery, and soothing words, you just need to sit in the private area you picked and talk it out. First talk about what caused the tantrum, suggest ways your child could have communicated their frustration to you instead of throwing a tantrum, and then talk about what possibilities would happen if they did those things right in the future. If we use my example, it sounds like, “Are you upset because you couldn’t touch things in the dishes aisle? What should you say to let me know that instead of screaming and crying? What are you going to do next time you feel frustrated in the store? Perhaps if you do those things better the next time, we could visit the toy aisle!”
This particular dishes drama dissipated in less than five minutes because I kept my cool and used this step by step process. A saleslady who witnessed the tantrum and worked at KOHL’s went out of her way to tell me she was impressed with how I handled the situation. I was feeling proud of myself for keeping my cool, proud of my daughter for calming her temper, and wanted to share this advice with all of you. Thank you for reading how to handle a tantrum in public!
