What It Takes to be A Stay At Home Parent
There’s this article that keeps popping up my Facebook news feed that really annoys me. Basically, it is a SAHD (stay at home dad) who is apologizing for degrading the SAHM (stay at home mom) in the past because now he does it and it’s awful. His detailed account of the day includes giving in to his children’s demands and tantrums, letting them watch endless television, and feeding them chicken at every meal. The reason this annoys me is because he details a life that is out of control where I think the best thing about being a SAHM is that you are always around to stay in control.
Regardless, his article got me thinking about what it takes to be a SAHP (stay at home parent). I have wanted to be a SAHM for as long as I can remember. When babysitting 13+ families during my teenage years, I always said I was “practicing.” But babysitting does not equate to being a parent. Although I love staying home to raise my kids, it is not like I imagined. My preconceived notion of myself as Susie Homemaker has faded at times with my temper, waning patience, or impending exhaustion. After three years experience, here’s what I think it takes to be a SAHP.
Me and my babies
You should be VERY patient
Being the SAHP requires a lot of patience because you deal with the same issues and frustrations over and over and over again. The working parent deals with occupation frustrations and home frustrations (not sure if that’s harder), but the SAHP gets the same issues without end. The way your toddler takes almost two hours to eat a meal. The way your baby cries no matter what remedy you try. The way your child will not listen to your instructions you have explained ten times. You need patience to be a SAHP because there is never variety or a work day break in the issues you will encounter.
You should be energetic
Your baby is teething and wakes you up four times a night, your toddler has more energy than a husky, and you’re starting to develop a cold. It is so easy to become exhausted as a parent, and the SAHP often takes on more of the exhausting tasks because they stay home. This exhaustion works to inhibit patience that the SAHP really needs, as explained above. The SAHP must be energetic (or young) to avoid becoming exhausted.
I had Lily at age 20. I love being a young mother because I have lots of energy!
You should be social
Being a SAHM is much lonelier than I anticipated it would be. I sometimes talk my husband’s ear off when he gets home from work because I haven’t said a word to another adult all day. If you’re an extrovert, like me, you need to plan lots of play dates, friend time, and adult time for yourself to be a SAHP. Otherwise you’ll go crazy and start using baby talk 24/7. Even if you’re an introvert, you need to force yourself to be social because staying home shouldn’t mean you always stay home. It isn’t good for your kids’ social skills, either.
I get together with a friend at least once a week
You need to LOVE kids
I always loved kids growing up. I was the ten year old who followed your toddler around wanting to help with everything. I thought being a SAHM would be the best job in the world because I would get to be around kids, my kids, all the time. But sometimes it is not easy. Sometimes I look at my kids and think, ‘I need a break!’ I don’t think any of us can stand to be around one single person at every moment of the day, regardless of who they are. But that’s what the SAHP often does with their kids. I can’t even imagine how much harder this would be if I wasn’t someone who LOVED being around little ones.
You should have perseverance.
Life becomes very monotonous as the SAHP. It seems that saying, “The days are long, but the years are short” really speaks to the SAHP. Every day you do tiny, tedious tasks like picking up spilled cereal and kissing boo-boos that seem so pointless. Yet it is some of the most important work in the world: raising your children 24/7 and being the main influence in their lives. Every day the SAHP must persevere past the mundane and be there for their kids.
If you describe yourself as patient, energetic, and social, and if you love kids and have perseverance, I would say you’re a good candidate to be a SAHP. For some, it makes them happier, healthier parents to do their own thing on the side. Consider this article when deciding if you want to do a full-time job, part-time job, or stay home while raising your kids.Thanks for reading! Also check out my day to day schedule to balance life with a toddler and a baby.
Missy,
What did you do with your kids all day when they were 18 months and a little older? Lilly just got taken out of daycare and I have no idea how to make some kind of curriculum. I have spent about 4 hours on pinterest looking for ideas, but am not really finding anything other than 3 year old and preschool lessons. I don’t want Lilly to be behind when we finally get her into preschool. Any ideas?
Becca-
I think it is great you are wanting to be so proactive, but there really isn’t any kind of curriculum you should be doing with a child under the age of 4 or 5. Your job is to make sure they are exploring more than learning. Before preschool age, I did lots of activities to help my children explore their environment, emotions, bodies, and words. For instance, listen and dance to music to encourage gross motor skills and rhythm. Read a lot of books to engage your child’s imagination and make it easier for them to identify letters later on in life. Spend as much time outdoors doing whatever; the natural environment is the world’s best playground. Encourage independent play so your child can learn to not be bored as well as problem solve. Go to open gyms or ECFE classes so your kid can practice social skills and get some energy out. Most children do not enter preschool with much knowledge. Even if you teach Lilly nothing at all, she won’t be behind! The general sentiment I’ve read from the latest child psychology research is that putting formal curriculum into our children’s lives too soon actually harms them more than helps. Read this article to give you the gist: http://www.cam.ac.uk/research/discussion/school-starting-age-the-evidence. I know exactly how it feels when you want your kid to succeed and be the smartest out there, but I think it’s more important to let them be a kid. 🙂
Best of luck to you,
Melissa